Fight? Or Flight?

I want a baby. But more than that, I want a happy, successful, fulfilling marriage.

I want to want my husband. I don’t want to deny him because I’m too tired, too busy, just don’t feel like it. I don’t want to feel guilty or like I’m not doing my part as a wife because I’m too tired, too busy, just don’t feel like it.

Of all the issues that come against married folks, I never thought this would be ours.

And I’m so talked out over it. We talk, we pray, we research, we study. I’m so over it. Not that I’d ever give up on my marriage, but I can easily understand how couples get to the point and decide they’re just too tired to care.

Hell, I’m almost there myself. And it’s not that I don’t care about my husband, his needs or our relationship. (See the above second sentence of the first paragraph). But I feel so emotionally drained, so cried out, so frustrated that I can’t see our way out of this that I feel myself tipping over to that point.

And I don’t think that those people ever stop caring….I think eventually, it just becomes so emotionally overwhelming they lose all their fight. They just give up because it’s so tiring otherwise. And it’s starting to become more understandable every day we battle this.

Which of course is what the enemy wants me to feel. I get that discouragement is one of his favorite tools and I’m not going to succumb to it.

Also, I love my husband so I would never give up on us anyway.

But for practically all of our marriage and especially the last 6 months I feel like we’ve been at war. And our battle fatigue is starting to show…


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