so i thought i’d start this new space for my thoughts off with a cool pic of my pretty purple shoes and neat purple nail polish. item 1 about me: i love all things purple. seriously, i’m in my bedroom right now and i can name about seven things purple currently in my line of vision. let’s see there’s (1) my window sheers, (2) my chaise, (3) these tall, stick things bundled together behind the chaise, (4) a camisole one of my aunt’s bought me for my birthday two years ago, (5) a purple and green floral arrangement on my dresser, (6) the shoes i just kicked off after taking the above picture and (7) some mardi gras beads i’ve had for way too long…especially since they weren’t “honestly” gotten.*
see, i meant it when i said i love purple. and this is completely NOT the way i meant to introduce myself to wordpress.
i’m a writer who doesn’t write. unfortunately i’m a living oxymoron and i’m desperate to change this. i used to blog at diaryland (indygirl.diaryland.com) but it became just one more thing (unfortunately, it sometimes felt like a chore)* that i wasn’t doing. most days my mind is bursting with words, and ideas, and thoughts and i sometimes get to unleash those in conversation but it’s the writing i miss. for me, writing is a conversation with myself that happens to go down on paper (or screen).
*i say chore because the main reason i haven’t been faithful to writing is because i’m so sincerely exhausted by the time i get home from work (my only time to write) that just the thought of sitting in front of another computer screen or pulling out pen and paper exhausts me. of course this whole being exhausted by writing could be a part of a larger problem but we’ll get back to that another time.
and i won’t lie: the second main reason i don’t write like i know i need to in order to help maintain my sanity is because i am lazy….yeesh, that feels harsh to “hear” i don’t do something necessary because i’m lazy. but it’s true; i’m not disciplined the way i need to be.
hmmm, this isn’t the way i meant to start off my new space, with negative stuff about me not doing what i’m supposed to do. why am i openly chastising myself? we’ll go with me keeping me humble. plus, i have to remember that as much as i enjoy connecting through written conversation with others, this space is really for ME. i just hope others enjoy the ride…
*i didn’t “honestly” get the beads because i didn’t earn the beads the mardi gras way. i’ve actually never been to mardi gras – (although i’d like to go one year. i think. don’t know if i’d enjoy the crowds but maybe the debauchery. well, not full out debauchery. toned-down debauchery. that’s possible, right?) . an ex of mine from college gave them to me.
so, me: just-turned 30; engaged bride-to-be (81 days!!! eeek!); madly in love with my man and Christ; hopeful PhD prospect; crazy about my family and extended family (friends); working in a job that simultaneously drives me nuts and exhilirates me….
i think this is accurate enough for now. hopefully my words will paint the best picture. (isn’t it sad that when you’re an out-of-practice writer it’s so simple to fall into the cliche trap??)